Hello friends -
It’s been a minute. A month, actually. I had gotten into a nice rhythm of releasing episodes every other week, then… womp womp. The truth is, I spread myself way too thin, and as my big goal of the year got closer (Chicago Marathon – ran it, loved it!), things started to slip.
This summer, I was at a dinner party with people I didn’t know. A very interesting social experiment, really, but that’s not why I’m telling you about this. The dinner was mushroom themed and as a conversation starter, the host asked us to share something we’d been “foraging” for lately. It could be anything — from looking for a new book, to searching for your life purpose… foraging was a very loosely used term.
One person was foraging for a new job. Someone else was foraging for calm and self-care. And another person said they wanted to find a romantic partner (yes, people were opening up).
When my turn came, I said I was foraging for balance. Not the usual work/life balance myth – I don’t believe in that. Sometimes work takes more of me, sometimes life does. It’s a seesaw, and I like it that way. The balance I was looking for was a way to balance all of my interests without feeling overwhelmed or like I was constantly dropping the ball.
The advice I got during dinner could be summed up into this: it’s hard to find what you want to do, but you have to pick one thing and focus on that.
Hmmm…. Easier said than done.
As one of the older people there (gasp!) I wanted to explain that wanting to do a bunch of things isn’t inherently bad. When I was younger, I looked for that single purpose that would fulfill my every need. I had it for years in my past work, and it was all-consuming. But what happens when that one thing no longer works? (Let me tell you, it gets scary). Now, I’m more interested in a portfolio of things — or better yet, finding the throughline that integrates my interests.
My dinner companions were right about something, though: the overwhelm was definitely coming from having all the things on my plate, and if I wanted it to stop, something had to change.
I had gotten myself on the busyness treadmill. One on which you can’t stop because if you stop, you’ll find yourself thrown to the floor. And I was there by choice. (It’s always by choice). By juggling everything just enough to get to the next step, I was keeping my options open.
The problem is that at some point, something’s gotta give. So the podcast fell first, something else next, and so it went like dominos. The options were still there, but my desire to stay in that state of busyness? Gone.
So, since I was terrified of choosing wrong, I had to look at it in a different light. Maybe, instead of deciding on what the one thing was, I could decide on what the one thing wasn’t. What, of the things I was doing, I could leave behind.
But, choosing things to stop is just as scary. In my old job we used to do Stop, Start, Keep at least twice a year — looking at everything we were doing and evaluating what we should stop, what we should continue to do, and what we should change or add. The stop column was always the shortest, and if there were any items there it was because we forced ourselves. Stopping is hard. And making the decision to stop when you’re an overachiever can feel like giving up, even when it’s the smart move.
So, how did I figure out what to leave behind? Let’s just say I stopped foraging for balance and started foraging for signs… and I found one. Just not where I expected. More on that in this week’s (not-so-mini) minisode.
Cheers,
M
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🤓 From the Reading List
A few things that came up this week (in the episode or in my head):
The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho — I re-read this after a Heidi Romer mentioned it in her episode. The whole omens/signs thing became a big focus for me as I tried to decide what to choose. If you haven’t read it in a while, it hits different as an adult.
What Works newsletter by Tara McMullin — Specifically this piece on busyness and The Pit. It nailed the feeling I’ve been having: busyness isn’t just having too much to do, it’s living in uncertainty and keeping all your options open.
The ONE Thing by Gary Keller and Jay Papasan — Someone at that dinner party recommended this. I started the audiobook months ago and abandoned it halfway through. Now I’m thinking I should actually finish it (the seesaw metaphor I mention? Pretty sure it’s from this book, but don’t quote me on that).
🍄 That’s it for today!
May your foraging lead you exactly where you need to go (even if it’s not where you expected).
