Sh*t I Just Quit My Job
Sh*t I Just Quit My Job
Sh*t Silence Hurts
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Sh*t Silence Hurts

Finding our voice with Elaine Lin Hering

People say silence is golden, and it can indeed be a powerful tool. But like many tools, it can be used for harm as much as for good. Have you ever felt like you have to dim your light to accommodate others? That you need to hold your tongue to keep the peace? Or that your opinion doesn’t matter, not because it isn’t valid but because nobody will listen?

Silence. We’ve learned to silence ourselves and others, intentionally or not. The consequences of silence can be deeply harmful—from loneliness to physical illness, silence hurts.

Elaine Lin Hering, author of Unlearning Silence has done something incredibly courageous (yes, calculated, as she would clarify but courageous nonetheless) by writing a whole book inviting us to challenge our assumptions about silence, how we’ve internalized it, and how we’ve been complicit in perpetuating spaces where silence is the norm. Her book is not just thought-provoking but filled with practical examples, tips, reflection questions, and suggestions on how to do better.

In this episode, Elaine and I explore some of the ideas in her book, having to leave her the firm because she couldn't stand the inequities she faced, and how she has reevaluated her definitions of success, team, and productivity.

When I met Elaine and heard her definition of silence, it moved me to tears. Really—an audience filled with people saw me sob on stage, someone even came up to give me a tissue. Something inside me recognized the words I had been keeping to myself, the times I had silenced my own voice because it was easier. Through this podcast and my writing, I’ve found a lot more of that voice, and I need to thank you, readers and listeners, for being there with me on this journey. I hope you take time to give yourself the same grace, to hear the voice you’ve quieted, and to evaluate how you, just like me and all of us, have inadvertently been part of this system of oppression. We owe it to ourselves and each other to hear the beauty in all voices.

About Elaine Lin Hering:

Elaine Lin Hering is a facilitator, speaker, and writer. She works with organizations and individuals to build skills in communication, collaboration, and conflict management. Elaine has worked on six continents and with a wide range of corporate, government, and nonprofit clients. 

She has trained mental health professionals, political officials, religious communities, and leaders at companies including American Express, Capital One, Google, Nike, Novartis, Shell, Pixar, and the Red Cross. 

Elaine is a former Managing Partner of Triad Consulting Group and Lecturer on Law at Harvard Law School, specializing in dispute resolution, mediation, and negotiation.

Key Lessons from the Interview:

  • The Insidious Nature of Silence: Elaine defines silence as more than just the absence of noise—it's the absence of voice, opinion, and life. She discusses how silence can start subtly, making us withdraw our true thoughts and replace them with what we think others want to hear.

  • The Emotional and Physical Toll: Silence isn't just a social issue; it has deep emotional and physical impacts. Elaine shares how staying silent can lead to stress, health problems, and a sense of isolation.

  • Systemic Silencing: Elaine addresses the broader implications of silence in society, particularly how it affects marginalized groups and perpetuates systemic inequities.

  • Personal Sacrifices for Justice: Elaine opens up about her difficult decision to leave her job, illustrating the personal cost of standing up against injustice and the importance of aligning actions with values.

  • Redefining Success: The conversation also delves into redefining success, emphasizing that true success is living in alignment with one's values and fostering environments where all voices can be heard.

Episode Notes with Timestamps:

[00:00:00] – Introduction and meeting Elaine Lin Hering

[00:02:00] – Definition of silence and its profound impact

[00:10:00] – Elaine’s journey: From aspiring lawyer to author and advocate

[00:17:00] – The emotional and physical toll of staying silent

[00:23:00] – The concept of double pain and the importance of conversation

[00:30:00] – Writing "Unlearning Silence" and the challenges faced

[00:34:00] – Redefining success and the importance of living aligned with one's values

[00:41:00] – The privilege of choice and staying true to oneself

[00:54:00] – Final reflections and the ongoing journey of unlearning silence

Resources:

Elaine Lin Hering - Website, LinkedIn

Unlearning Silence - Amazon, Bookshop.org

Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother by Amy Chua - Amazon, NYT Excerpt

Women Don’t Ask by Linda C. Babcock - Amazon, Bookshop.org

The First, the Few, the Only: How Women of Color Can Redefine Power in Corporate America by Deepa Purushothaman - Amazon, Bookshop.org, Deepa’s website

Discussion about this podcast

Sh*t I Just Quit My Job
Sh*t I Just Quit My Job
Ever stood on the edge of a big decision, wondering if it's the right move? If you've ever wondered, "Is this it?" while gazing at your daily grind, you're not alone. After making it to the top of the company I had worked at for eleven years, I took a leap, and all I could say was, "Sh*t, I just quit my job!" The future's hazy, but many have faced the same uncertainty and come out stronger. We usually hear about their successes after the leap, but what about the messy middle? How'd they find the courage? What were their fears? What would they do differently? And how did they discover what they really wanted? Each week, I'll share stories of people who've taken big leaps, and I'll talk about my own journey. Join us as we explore change, resilience, and finding fulfillment in the unknown. "Sht I Just Quit My Job" is your guide to embracing the messy middle and discovering your potential beyond uncertainty.